Going far back as I can remember I have always been on the thicker, curvier side. I always like my body growing up, even though I was a pant size or few bigger then my friends. Thru out high school I would stay at the avarage weight for me, since I was 5'5", was around 154/160lbs. ((FYI I have all ways had large breast and I blame 8lbs of my weight on them LOL)) Being at that good healthy avarage weight; my mother would be after me contantly telling me, "dont eat this, dont eat that, your gonna get fat." or "You need to go on a diet mija, you need to loose weight look you're getting "llantitas" in other words love handles." I know she ment well put in a way it traumatised me, that when I got married and moved out I WENT CRAZY. I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and no one could tell me different.
After 3 years of marriage and 120lbs later; It was not just the food I was stuffing myself with that was making gain the weight, but the emotional roller coster I was going thru. ((Hence the term emotinal eating)) I was going thru a real tuff time in my life depresion was playing a big role. Here I was 23/24 years old ((I got married when I was 19)) 3 years married and I am trying to get pregnant, to save a marriage that was going no where fast. Because of the all weight I had gained I was having really big issues with my menstrual cycles, I wasn't ovulating correctly. My doctor decided to put me on hormone pills, and I think that was another big factor to my weight gain.
((Sorry, I am going on so long, but just want you guys to have a some insight on my story. Beacuse I know there has to be more then one of you out there that can relate.))
My husband was no help either, he would always find ways to put me down. I can still remember one Sunday we where getting for morning service at our church. I had bought myself a really nice dress I was so excited, come out from our bedroom and ask him, like every wife asks her husband, "how do I look" never thought I would regret those words. He simply turned around looked at me and said, "LIKE A BARREL WITH A DRESS ON." That day what ever was left of my spirits and self esteem came crashing down. The months following that incident, I would eat my feelings away. Once my husband would fall asleep, I would sneek into the kitchen and eat what ever was in the cabinets, refrigerator, and pantry. During the day I wouldn't eat around him because his comments would be, "YOUR GONNA EAT ALL THAT!!, or DAMN HONEY YOU EAT MORE THAN I DO!!" Binging at night was my only way out or atleast thats what I thought.
On a regular trip to my doctors office I got enough courage to get on the scale...282lbs, I wanted to cry, wanted to yell. I was so mad at myself, I was mad at my husband. My doctor told me look you still have a chance to fix this, you dont have any mayor medical issues like: high blood pressure, diabetis, high cholesterol, etc, with diet and exercise you can fix this. Those where the words I needed to light a fire under my @$$. I started eating healthy working out everyday for about an hour and 45 minutes, I was feeling so much better. I had stopped the hormone trearment because I had decided I had enough with the mental/emotinal abuse from my husband and then out of no where with out knowing I became pregnant. Unfortunately I had a misscarrage beacuse I didn't know I had concived and continued to workout hard like I always did and well, GOD does things for a reason.
After 6 months of working out and eating healthy I lost a total of 57lbs, I was at 225 the lowest I had been in 5 years. My confidence and self esteem came back up, I learn the hard way that no one, absolutely NO ONE gives you your self worth other then yourself. You can not expect some to love you and value you for the person that you are, if you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. That love for own yourself has to come from with in, even if you're 10, 20, 50, or even 100 pounds overweight. Don't look for acceptance in others, you must accept yourself first. Be comfortable in your skin it's the only one you got anyways. If you are not happy with the way you look, you can fix it, the only thing is you really have to work for it and that is where the problem is you're not going to loose weight the same way you put it on quick an easy. Nope, it is going to take you double even triple the amount of time but in the long run it will be life changing. Don't go try this diet plan, or that diet supplement, and a so called diet pill your friends, friends told you about. Don't get me wrong they might work but its going to be temporary fix only, because you are dependent on that product and not changing the way you eat, the way you excersie and the way you run your life in general.
I eventually filed for divorce, I then understood why GOD needed my little angel up in heaven more than I did here. My whole life changed around with that one decision I made, had confidence to got myself a job, and with in year I got a mayor promotion. There is one thing I must admit since having my new position I have been under a lot stress and don't really have time sit down and eat like a normal person and fast food has been the wrong way to go, I will admit it bad choices, haven't even gone to the gym. Haven't worked out in about 5 months :-( really bad I know. I have gain 14-16lbs back, BUT myself esteem is still high I still feel good about myself. Well some mornings not so much especially when my pants aren't fitting...LOL!! Its ok because I tell myself "IF I DID IT ONCE I CAN DO IT AGAIN!!" I am kick off my weight loss journey tomorrow Monday, January 20th., I am hoping that in 7 month for birthday on July 20th I have dropped 60lbs an avarage of 8-10lbs every month, it's achivable. Remember set goals you can reach don't say something 30lbs in a month thats not health, then when you don't achive it you discouraged. Slow and steady will get you better life term results. I am at 250 lbs as we speak tomorrow morning I will step on the scale and take a picture. I will post more on my entire weightloss plan tomorrow.
"IM NOT A PRO, I JUST KNOW I DID IT ONCE AND IT WORKED FOR ME HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK FOR YOU AS WELL. IF YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL ISSUES PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING AND WEIGHTLOSS, DIET, AND EXERSICE PROGRAM."
Stay safe and healthy,
See you on the next one!!!
In the zebra cardigan I was weighing in around 260/265lbs, in the middle I was at 245, and when I finally hit 225lbs.
Picture on the right was at my heaviest weight ever, 282lbs. On the left is when I started to gain some pounds back, there I was 233/236lbs.
((FYI that is my new boyfriend))
