♥♥ SELF WORTH, SELF LOVE, SELF CONFIDENCE, SELF ACCEPTANCE ♥♥

Going far back as I can remember I have always  been on the thicker, curvier side. I always like my body growing up, even though I was a pant size or few bigger then my friends. Thru out high school I would stay at the avarage weight for me, since I was 5'5", was around 154/160lbs. ((FYI I have all ways had large breast and I blame 8lbs of my weight on them LOL)) Being at that good healthy avarage weight; my mother would be after me contantly telling me, "dont eat this, dont eat that, your gonna get fat." or "You need to go on a diet mija, you need to loose weight look you're getting "llantitas" in other words love handles." I know she ment well put in a way it traumatised me, that when I got married and moved out I WENT CRAZY. I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and no one could tell me different.

After 3 years of marriage and 120lbs later; It was not just the food I was stuffing myself with that was making gain the weight, but the emotional roller coster I was going thru. ((Hence the term emotinal eating)) I was going thru a real tuff time in my life depresion was playing a big role. Here I was 23/24 years old ((I got married when I was 19)) 3 years married and I am trying to get pregnant, to save a marriage that was going no where fast. Because of the all weight I had gained I was having really big issues with my menstrual cycles, I wasn't ovulating correctly. My doctor decided to put me on hormone pills, and I think that was another big factor to my weight gain. 

((Sorry, I am going on so long, but just want you guys to have a some insight on my story. Beacuse I know there has to be more then one of you out there that can relate.))

My husband was no help either, he would always find ways to put me down. I can still remember one Sunday we where getting for morning service at our church. I had bought myself a really nice dress I was so excited, come out from our bedroom and ask him, like every wife asks her husband, "how do I look" never thought I would regret those words. He simply turned around looked at me and said, "LIKE A BARREL WITH A DRESS ON." That day what ever was left of my spirits and self esteem came crashing down. The months following that incident, I would eat my feelings away. Once my husband would fall asleep, I would sneek into the kitchen and eat what ever was in the cabinets, refrigerator, and pantry. During the day I wouldn't eat around him because his comments would be, "YOUR GONNA EAT ALL THAT!!, or DAMN HONEY YOU EAT MORE THAN I DO!!" Binging at night was my only way out or atleast thats what I thought.

On a regular trip to my doctors office I got enough courage to get on the scale...282lbs, I wanted to cry, wanted to yell. I was so mad at myself, I was mad at my husband. My doctor told me look you still have a chance to fix this, you dont have any mayor medical issues like: high blood pressure, diabetis, high cholesterol, etc, with diet and exercise you can fix this. Those where the words I needed to light a fire under my @$$. I started eating healthy working out everyday for about an hour and 45 minutes, I was feeling so much better. I had stopped the hormone trearment because I had decided I had enough with the mental/emotinal abuse from my husband and then out of no where with out knowing I became pregnant. Unfortunately I had a misscarrage beacuse I didn't know I had concived and continued to workout hard like I always did and well, GOD does things for a reason.

After 6 months of working out and eating healthy I lost a total of 57lbs, I was at 225 the lowest I had been in 5 years. My confidence and self esteem came back up, I learn the hard way that no one, absolutely NO ONE gives you your self worth other then yourself. You can not expect some to love you and value you for the person that you are, if you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. That love for own yourself has to come from with in, even if you're 10, 20, 50, or even 100 pounds overweight. Don't look for acceptance in others, you must accept yourself first. Be comfortable in your skin it's the only one you got anyways. If you are not happy with the way you look, you can fix it, the only thing is you really have to work for it and that is where the problem is you're not going to loose weight the same way you put it on quick an easy. Nope, it is going to take you double even triple the amount of time but in the long run it will be life changing. Don't go try this diet plan, or that diet supplement, and a so called diet pill your friends, friends told you about. Don't get me wrong they might work but its going to be temporary fix only, because you are dependent on that product and not changing the way you eat, the way you excersie and the way you run your life in general.

I eventually filed for divorce,  I then understood why GOD needed my little angel up in heaven more than I did here. My whole life changed around with that one decision I made, had confidence to got myself a job, and with in year I got a mayor promotion. There is one thing I must admit since having my new position I have been under a lot stress and don't really have time sit down and eat like a normal person and fast food has been the wrong way to go, I will admit it bad choices, haven't even gone to the gym. Haven't worked out in about 5 months :-( really bad I know. I have gain 14-16lbs back, BUT myself esteem is still high I still feel good about myself. Well some mornings not so much especially when my pants aren't fitting...LOL!! Its ok because I tell myself "IF I DID IT ONCE I CAN DO IT AGAIN!!" I am kick off my weight loss journey tomorrow Monday, January 20th., I am hoping that in 7 month for birthday on July 20th I have dropped 60lbs an avarage of 8-10lbs every month, it's achivable. Remember set goals you can reach don't say something 30lbs in a month thats not health, then when you don't achive it you discouraged. Slow and steady will get you better life term results. I am at 250 lbs as we speak tomorrow morning I will step on the scale and take a picture. I will post more on my entire weightloss plan tomorrow.

"IM NOT A PRO, I JUST KNOW I DID IT ONCE AND IT WORKED FOR ME HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK FOR YOU AS WELL. IF YOU HAVE ANY MEDICAL ISSUES PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR BEFORE STARTING AND WEIGHTLOSS, DIET, AND EXERSICE PROGRAM."

Stay safe and healthy,
See you on the next one!!!

In the zebra cardigan I was weighing in around 260/265lbs, in the middle I was at 245, and when I finally hit 225lbs.

Picture on the right was at my heaviest weight ever, 282lbs. On the left is when I started to gain some pounds back, there I was 233/236lbs.

((FYI that is my new boyfriend))

Shop my Stash Sunday

I am going to start something new for myself and hopefully this is something you will try. Like every makeup lover, well I have a lot of it. With that we also fall into a makeup rut. We use the same things over and over, and also buy new things and push the old things to the back and forget about them. So I have set myself out to look thru my makeup and use my left behind items. Every Sunday I will be looking thru my makeup collection pull out a few face, eyes, and lip products and use only those items and create different looks for the week. Here we go,

FACE:
Maybelline Dream Matte Mouse Foudation in Medium Beige
Rimmel Stay Matte Pressed Powder in 005 Silky Beige
Hard Candy So Baked Bronzer in 131 Hula Hula
Hard Candy Fox in a Box in Spicy and Sweet

EYES:
Wet n Wild Fergie Collection in Newport Nights
Wet n Wild Fergie Collection in Desert Festival
Rimmel Soft Kohl eye liner in 011 Sable Brown
Loreal Power Volume Black Smoke
Jordana Best Lash Extreme

LIPS:
Avon Ultra Luxury Lip Liner in Neutral
Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in 003 Matte Mauve it Over
MAC Lipstick in Viva Glam II (have to finish it off)
NYC Lip Plumper in Peach Parfait and Toffee Kiss
Burt's Bees Lip Balm with Mango Butter

EYEBROWS:
Rimmel Eyebrow Pencil in 001 Dark Brown
Revlon Matte shadow in 009 Rich Sable

OOTD 9/4/12

I'm so excited today was my first day back at school. Getting an outfit together that says I didn't try to hard, but still at me, was not so hard. Since I went shoe and clothes shopping this labor day weekend I had lots of things to choose from. I wanted to keep it simple and neutral but still fun with a pop of color and what better way then with these super cute coral flats.

Clothes:
Shirt is from Ross
Jeans are Bongo from K-mart
Flats are from a local shoe warehouse

Accessories:
None

Plus Size OOTD 9/2/12

Ok so a really quick outfit for a casual dinner and a movie. Im really loving these jeans FYI, they fit my waist and hips really nice and don't make them look bigger then they already are. Oh, and the shoes just got them today I was looking around for some flats like these at a good price and wasn't able to find them till today. There from a local shoe warehouse here in Vegas.

Clothing:
Shirt is from Ross
Jeans are Bongo from K-Mart
Spike Flats from local warehouse

Accessories:
Zebra boyfriend style watch from Ross
Small silver hoop earings
Purse I picked up at my local thrift store

Plus Size OOTD 8/29/12

Summer is almost over and im trying to enjoy it at much as I can, and put to use my summer close before it goes away till next year. (but i dont think this would fit me anymore seeing that i lost 5-7 more lbs) So this is my outfit for Wednesday night at church....the dress is a strapless maxi dress but I made it into a skirt. I love the jacket over it all it just gives it a more put together look but keeping it simple and casual at the same time. As far as accessories goes im wear some small silver and diamond hoop earrings, I wear these all the time I find they go with everything I wear. I was also thinking about adding a boyfriend style watch, but it got late and I had to run out the door.

•Maxi dress from Ross
•Cami is from Chicos
•Denim jacket I picked up at the thrift store
•Sandals are from Guess

Future Plus Size OOTD

I have decided that most of my OOTD would be posted here on my blog. Sometimes to do a video then edit and then try to post it on my youtube channel can get a little time consuming. I will posting some on my channel maybe the nice ones I put together or that I put some mayor thought into. So i figured it would be easier to snap some pictures on my phone and post them on my blog since i have the blogger app right on my phone it's gonna be so much faster. Here is my first OOTD super simple for a wednesday night at church. (these pictures are not the best i took them at church since i forgot to take them at home)

Shirt is from Ross
Jeans are from the dive collection at old navy.
Shoes are some booties that i got 2 years ago i think from Ross.

MOISTURIZING HONEY & SUGAR LIP SCRUB

My skin suffers in all kinds of weather, but especially lips get the worst of it. In the winter because it’s cold they get very dry and in the summer they get also dry but chapped at the same time. This year summer hasn’t even begun and my lips are starting to suffer. I was reading a few blogs and watching some videos on youtube about lip scrubs and everybody has their own way about it. What I did was take those initial ideas and made it my won. I have found this is what works for me after a lot of hit and miss, what I like about the “recipe” I came up with, is that you don’t that many ingredients and you can find them all in your kitchen cabinets. (Well except the Vaseline that’s probably in your bathroom or medicine cabinet, but you get the idea)

Ingredients and How Much you need of everything:

1.       VASELINE (any kind is fine I just have the cocoa butter one, you can even use petroleum jelly)

2.       BROWN SUGAR (you can use the organic, even regular sugar is good)

3.       HONEY (whatever honey you have at home will do just fine)

4.       VANILLA (this you can leave out its just for smell and nothing else)

5.       2.5oz JAR (I used one from babies food, don’t want to make a lot and let it go to waste)

6.       MIXING BOWL

7.       MEASURING SPOONS

·         1 tbs of Vaseline

·         1 tbs of honey

·         ¼ tsp of vanilla

·         2 tbs of brown sugar

Why I picked these products??

1.       VASELINE

I picked this one because it was the one at home you can use plain Vaseline or petroleum jelly. I always try to buy this one because I love the smell of cocoa butter. The Vaseline is what is going to be the main source of moisture in this scrub. It is not only going to help soften your lips, but it’s going to create a barrier to keep in moisture and reduce that loss of moisture.

2.       HONEY

Any kind of honey is going to work just fine. The honey is great moisturizer as well but it will also attract and retain that moisture you’re bringing to your lips. It is also packed with antioxidants. Honey is going to give your skin the nutrients it needs to stay smooth.

KEEP IN MIND THIS SCRUB DOESN’T HAVE TO BE JUST FOR YOUR LIPS. YOU CAN USE IT ON YOUR FACE AS WELL.

3.       BROWN SUGAR

The reason I decided to use brown sugar is because I have tried using regular sugar before and found it was really rough on my lips they felt burnt almost, and they were getting more irritated then actually getting better. The brown sugar still works as my exfoliator, but it still soft to not irritate my lips. Plus I like the smell of the brown sugar better than the regular sugar, and when I mix it with the cocoa butter Vaseline mmmmhhhhmmmm……delicious!!

4.       VANILLA

I recommend using vanilla purely for smell purposes, especially if you using regular sugar. This time I didn’t use it but just wanted to add for those of you who want options.

5.       A JAR

Of course you need something to store this in. All I did was asked a friend of mine that has a baby if she could save one for me after she was done with it.

LET’S GET STARTED;

First you will place your 1 tbs of Vaseline in your bowl.

Then add 1 tbs of honey.

Mix these two together until you get a pasty consistency.

Now go ahead and add your 2 tbs of brown sugar or regular sugar.

Mix very well and you’re done just put you sugar scrub in the jar.

This will last you up to 2 weeks in the refrigerator, don’t want to make a lot at a time because it could go bad and you will to throw it out and waste product. You can use your scrub 2-3 times a week, even more if you wish it is all up to you. Before you use it leave it on your counter top for at room temperature for 10-15 minutes to let the scrub soften a bit. Apply it to your lips in a circular motion with your finger for about 1-2 minutes. Then rinse with warm water and pat dry, follow with your favorite lip balm.

I have been using my lip scrub for almost a month. This is the one thing I have found has worked for my lips. Along with a good chap stick or lip balm but that will be another blog. I hope you try this at home and let me know how it works for you.